People who don't understand your loss

A place to remember our loved ones who have crossed over the Rainbow Bridge.
Post Reply
User avatar
jyotin
Tamific (Novice)
Tamific (Novice)
Posts: 239
Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2010 11:46 pm
Location: Canada

People who don't understand your loss

Post by jyotin » Tue Jun 07, 2011 12:42 am

How do you deal with those who don't understand how the loss of a pet can affect you? Especially those who think you're crazy to be sad for more than a few days. It is very frustrating!
And how long until it gets easier?

It's as though we can't talk about our loss to non-animal owners for fear of being told we are over reacting and need to get over it.

Has anyone dealt with something similar before?
"Compassion for animals is intimately connected with goodness of character; and it may be confidently asserted that he who is cruel to animals cannot be a good man"
--Arthur Schopenhauer

User avatar
amittammu
Tamthusiastic (Newbie)
Tamthusiastic (Newbie)
Posts: 59
Joined: Sat Jan 22, 2011 4:06 pm
Location: Canada
Contact:

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by amittammu » Tue Jun 07, 2011 1:41 am

I used to be like that, till my grand parents lost their dog. I saw the love the pet had towards them and the same they had in return. Since then I knew the loss of a pet is like just a parent loosing their kid in their early age. No matter how much time passes, they can never forget their loss.

But the healing for the loss is to get a new one, and try to understand that the life goes on...

User avatar
TerriHolt
Tamificent (Guru)
Tamificent (Guru)
Posts: 3274
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2011 11:56 am
Location: UK, East Yorkshire
Contact:

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by TerriHolt » Tue Jun 07, 2011 5:40 am

i can always talk to my grandma and my mum. i have grown up with animals in my house and they are the 2 people i know i can talk to everytime, anytime. screw the rest of the world who doesn't care. if i didn't have those, now, i would like to feel i could talk hear :D

as for getting easier, i still cry over my baby girl Jess i had put to sleep last feb 15th 2010. i think happy things and cry, i think not so happy things and cry... i watched the wood burning you tube vid in memory of his gsd... i cried... i still say good nite too... she's sat on my mantle in a pine box :oops: (now that makes me sound crazy :lol: )

everyone is different and i can't tell you when it will get easier or if it ever will. for me, it was the firt time i've had to do it so i think that had a big effect on me and the guilt for not doing it sooner, taking her to the vets and letting them persuade me these injections would work (she had a vet phobia) over a few month. then after that, on the thursday i knew i needed to, my mum caught me crying and i told her then but i still left it till the monday,,, things like that still get to me.

there is no point trying to talk to someone who doesn't understand... i've tried. they nod, frown, do sad faces but they can't cover the fact they wish you would move on or there bored of listening :lol: .

i don't think the healing for the loss is to get a new one, well it may be for some but it depends on the individual. i was lost without a dog for over a year. i needed one, i wanted one but i couldn't bring my self to get one and i felt guilty for even thinking about it... i even accused my self of thinking of replacing her untill my mum told me i could never replace her and the love i had for her.

but on the other hand i know it did help julie after losing thor...

i reaaally don't think i've helped much hear :lol:
Image

There’s a battle between two wolves inside us all.
One is Evil. It’s anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies and ego.
The other is Good. It’s joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness and truth.

The wolf that wins? The one you feed!

~ Cherokee Proverb

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity... I'm not sure about the former.

~ Albert Einstein

User avatar
jyotin
Tamific (Novice)
Tamific (Novice)
Posts: 239
Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2010 11:46 pm
Location: Canada

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by jyotin » Tue Jun 07, 2011 5:59 am

Aw thanks guys, your words have helped, seriously!
I just needed to vent a little haha and what better place than here =)

And Terri we are actually down for a Nev pup...I'm counting down the days until we get him (if all goes well)...the whole family has agreed that it is the best decision as we are dearly missing the presence of a dog in the home...the idea has already uplifted our moods drastically.
I knew it was the right decision once I played with a friends new husky puppy and realized how it really eased the sadness...made me realize that I was ready. I thought I would feel guilty but I don't...I've made peace with the situation, no regrets, just miss the little guy =)

Thanks a bunch!
"Compassion for animals is intimately connected with goodness of character; and it may be confidently asserted that he who is cruel to animals cannot be a good man"
--Arthur Schopenhauer

User avatar
wolfwannabe
Tamific (Novice)
Tamific (Novice)
Posts: 370
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2010 10:40 am
Location: Somerset, England
Contact:

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by wolfwannabe » Tue Jun 07, 2011 6:14 am

When you need to express how you feel, come here to this forum, I think every one here has lost at some point a much loved pet, I know I have and understand how you feel.

I lost my beautiful Patch (Springer x Old English sheep dog) a few years ago. At the time I was heart broken, he was my boy, time passed and gradually it got easier, learn to remember the good times, I still have a little cry some times but thats good it's healthy to morn the loss of a friend.

As for those who don't understand I just feel sad they have never felt the real love of a pet.

So I say to you, morn remember, cry, do what YOU need to, in time it gets easier, but never forget that beautiful animal that brought joy to your life.

Edited to add
Just read your new post and wanted to add good luck with your new baby.
Mel.

Zeus 10.02.2007 - 24.07.2012 Rest in peace my boy, you'll always be missed.

User avatar
TerriHolt
Tamificent (Guru)
Tamificent (Guru)
Posts: 3274
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2011 11:56 am
Location: UK, East Yorkshire
Contact:

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by TerriHolt » Tue Jun 07, 2011 6:40 am

jyotin wrote:we are actually down for a Nev pup...I'm counting down the days until we get him (if all goes well)...!
aww, congratz on that :P happy for you. i know how much it helped julie getting saga, i know it wil help you too. :) good luck with your new fur baby...
Image

There’s a battle between two wolves inside us all.
One is Evil. It’s anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies and ego.
The other is Good. It’s joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness and truth.

The wolf that wins? The one you feed!

~ Cherokee Proverb

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity... I'm not sure about the former.

~ Albert Einstein

User avatar
Valravn
Tamificent (Guru)
Tamificent (Guru)
Posts: 1051
Joined: Sun May 09, 2010 4:22 pm
Location: Ohio, USA

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by Valravn » Tue Jun 07, 2011 7:01 am

When Elmo(Lab/Rottie) was put to sleep I was devastated. She had been there practically my whole life and it didn't seem like I would ever stop crying. One day someone brought a litter of hound puppies to school and I wanted to take one home so bad. Just holding them made me feel better. It wasn't until we brought Barley home that I really started to heal. Having a new puppy really helps.

I've never really had someone not understand the pain of losing a pet. All my friends are animal lovers and most have lost a pet at some point.

User avatar
JulieSmith
Tamificent (Guru)
Tamificent (Guru)
Posts: 2535
Joined: Tue Jun 08, 2010 7:35 pm
Location: Manchester, UK

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by JulieSmith » Tue Jun 07, 2011 11:21 am

To be honest only people who have had a pet will understand to most others it is just an animal. You never forget a loved pet, but as time goes on you remember them with a smile more often than with tears.

Congratulations on the new puppy, Saga has helped me and the family a lot I still miss Thor he will always be my perfect boy. When we got Saga I did feel a bit guilty, not that we were replacing Thor, but that Saga was not our first choice and it did not feel fair on her if that makes sense. We now love her lots for her own personality and in some ways she is better than Thor, then I feel a bit guilty for thinking that, I can not win can I :lol:

The other thing I do is end up looking at photos of Sequoia and wonder if Thor would have looked similar, it's nice to see how he might have looked.

User avatar
wicca1
Tamificent (Guru)
Tamificent (Guru)
Posts: 1287
Joined: Sat May 08, 2010 10:15 pm
Location: scotland

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by wicca1 » Tue Jun 07, 2011 9:17 pm

.when my girl laska died it was straight out of the blue (we had just got back from our walk she got on her bed and had a massive heart attack and died). i was totally devastated and couldn't do anything for a month. i just cried and cried, i found writing my thoughts about the great times we shared really helped. after a while i did little poems, also i always light a candle on the date she died, just becuse it makes me feel better.now i have my girl lenka but i still think about laska every day and sometimes i still have a little cry. these things take time so just grieve in your own way and in your own time,and remember everyone on the forum is here for you :(

User avatar
Blustag
Tamificent (Guru)
Tamificent (Guru)
Posts: 2971
Joined: Sat May 08, 2010 7:53 am
Location: UK

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by Blustag » Wed Jun 08, 2011 1:16 pm

Even reading these posts brings tears to my eyes. I have lost a few dogs over the years most recently being Loosa and I still get upset when I think of her especially as Kyte (her lifetime partner) and Seagul (her daughter) share my space in the house with me and are a constant reminder that she isnt here anymore.

RoyAM
Tamthusiastic (Newbie)
Tamthusiastic (Newbie)
Posts: 183
Joined: Sun May 09, 2010 5:34 am
Location: Scotland

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by RoyAM » Mon Jun 20, 2011 9:25 am

Every single person who takes on a dog and commits to looking after it, also faces the sad fact that one day they will lose the dog which is a heartbreaking time no matter how prepaired you are for that day.
But from the first days of puppyhood through to old age you can ensure your dog has the best life anyone can give and that surely is your commitment.

As is your commitment to hold your life long friend and companion in your arms comforting him/her when their final day comes around. This is a memory that you will never forget and many tears will be shed but you owe it to your dog to ensure when the time comes you will be there for them.


As for people not understanding, this is sadly a thing you will see through-out your life and it is these people that are actually missing out, these people are the ones that will never know or share the companionship between human and dog, they will never see or feel the love and bond between both. It is a thing in life you just have to come to grips with, knowing that some people have no emotional feelings for themself let alone others.
When I laid Bodie to rest and returned offshore 2 days later due to shift rotation some of the guys gave me a new name:- Douglas which they saw funny as they see the name as Dog - less. When they saw this was not taking the effect they had intended they soon moved onto another. The good thing is life is that you can choose your friends some of which will stay with you through-out life and these true friends will know the pain you are feeling on loss of a life long companion.

Alaska
Tamthusiastic (Newbie)
Tamthusiastic (Newbie)
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2011 12:47 am
Location: Nottingham

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by Alaska » Fri Aug 19, 2011 7:48 am

I had exactly the same problem when i lost my dog Kymmy (Staffy x Border Collie). Even now it makes me sad to think she isn't here!! I was inconsolable and not many people seemed to get it. :cry:

I feel sorry that they never seemed to have the bond with their animals or have never known the joy of being close to your dog.

I don't think you ever forget them its been 4 years since Kymmy died and i still think of her often although now instead of thinking of the sad things like how painful it was wen she died i think of her silly traits, how she used to follow me round everywhere and how she used to make me laugh with her exploits. :)

User avatar
Tiantai
Tamificent (Guru)
Tamificent (Guru)
Posts: 2558
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2011 10:16 pm
Location: Canada (North York, Ontario)

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by Tiantai » Tue Nov 29, 2011 6:30 am

Hello Jyoti, in a way I am kind of glad we can talk and share our sorrows together. I understand your loss completely. I was hit pretty hard, too, when you first posted that sad news on facebook and wanted to find some ways to help you and at the same time was also suffering from my own companion's (Buddy) hip displasia which I knew at the time was a sign that he only had a short time left in this world.
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Image

blackmeadows
Tamthusiastic (Newbie)
Tamthusiastic (Newbie)
Posts: 24
Joined: Sun Feb 19, 2012 7:33 pm
Location: Oregon, USA

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by blackmeadows » Fri Feb 24, 2012 2:12 am

I lost my favorite cat October of 2011 to, as far as the vet could tell, a blood clot to her brain. She had been suffering from respiratory distress her last few months and epilepsy her whole life, so it was almost a relief to know she was at peace... but I'd had her for about twelve years. She was my baby.

The way she went was also difficult to handle. She had been sleeping in the bathroom with her half-brother, and when I went in, there was a mess everywhere and she was howling and snarling at everyone; by the time we took her in to the vet right less than half an hour later, she was in horrible pain and blind. I held onto her as they sedated her and then gave her the drug to put her to sleep. I can't say how long I stood there and cried.

My now-ex was utterly useless and didn't seem to get it at all. :/ I felt totally alone.

I have her ashes in a box with my other special things now, and I can talk about her a bit, but it still hurts horribly. The attitude of my ex hurt even more. I totally understand the hurt with people who don't get it, on top of the hurt of losing a pet. It does get better though, with time. Hang in there.

User avatar
wolfwannabe
Tamific (Novice)
Tamific (Novice)
Posts: 370
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2010 10:40 am
Location: Somerset, England
Contact:

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by wolfwannabe » Wed Jul 25, 2012 7:48 pm

I am really struggling to cope at the moment, Zeus was my whole life, my life revolved around him. I keep expecting him to come wondering in panting with that big daft grin on his face.

I've taken 6 weeks off work with the idea of spending the whole summer with him and taking him lots of new places and all of his favourite old walks. But nature had other ideas only 4 days into my 6 weeks off and he is gone. I just can't stop crying. It hurts so much.

It's been a terrible year, as you know Zeus was diagnosed with lymphoma on the 23rd of April this year what I haven't told you is that the very next day on the Tuesday the 24th of April my Grand Mother passed away peacefully in her sleep at the grand old age of 104 years. Now exactly 3 months later Zeus leaves me on Tuesday the 24th of July. I think maybe he held on for me to grieve the loss of my only grand parent I have ever known. He just couldn't hang on any longer.

I just feel like I can't cope at the moment, it's all too much. I sit here looking at all his stuff, his food and water bowls, his toys on the floor, his lead hanging up, part of me wants to pack it all away but I can't, it would be like packing his memory away. I can't even vacuum the floor because it's covered with his hairs and if I vacuum they'll never be replaced.

Maybe I'll feel a little better when my hubby comes home, he went away in the early hours of Tuesday morning before Zeus fell ill and he is not back until tonight, so I've not seen anyone since coming home from the vets. Thank god for you kind people here and on facebook, your kind words do help me feel less alone.

I just feel so ill at the moment, I've not slept since well since I got up on Monday morning, I've been terribly sick unable to keep even water down last night. It just hurts so very very much.
Mel.

Zeus 10.02.2007 - 24.07.2012 Rest in peace my boy, you'll always be missed.

User avatar
TerriHolt
Tamificent (Guru)
Tamificent (Guru)
Posts: 3274
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2011 11:56 am
Location: UK, East Yorkshire
Contact:

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by TerriHolt » Wed Jul 25, 2012 10:00 pm

I collected my GSD's hair before vacuuming and i still have it in a little keep sake box (old ring box i found laying around but anything would work... food bags?). I also kept her leash and collar with her ashes box (Sam chewed up the collar which caused a few angry tears at my self for not putting it somewhere safe). But keeping toys, bowls and other stuff around was like tearing up old wounds everytime i looked at them (i slept on her dirty, stinky bed for a week :oops: )... He wouldn't want yo to get ill tho, he left the wold and went to the bridge a happy dog for which he will eternally be greatfull.

Maybe during those 6 weeks you can go to his favorite places and just sit, think and remember... Grieve... Sleeping will be hard and at time you think you can't cope, there are always people to talk to... Even if you are alone, you are never alone really... Talk to him... Yes, you will look crazy but being normal is over rated anyway...

I'm sorry about your grandma too... Bad years suck big time :(

I'm rambling and probably saying nothing at all that will help... But i just wanted to say that there is a forum of people who are hear to ramble when you need it...
Image

There’s a battle between two wolves inside us all.
One is Evil. It’s anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies and ego.
The other is Good. It’s joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness and truth.

The wolf that wins? The one you feed!

~ Cherokee Proverb

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity... I'm not sure about the former.

~ Albert Einstein

User avatar
Tiantai
Tamificent (Guru)
Tamificent (Guru)
Posts: 2558
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2011 10:16 pm
Location: Canada (North York, Ontario)

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by Tiantai » Wed Jul 25, 2012 10:57 pm

I stopped cleaning the corners where Buddy used to lazy around after he left. A few of his hair are still hiding in those dark areas and I've chose not to clean them knowing that once removed they will be gone forever.

I sometimes still dream about him and not know that he's gone while dreaming. Then I feel depress when I get up thinking about him and remembering that he's in Nirvana. :cry: One can never completely get over the loss of someone they love very much, especially when they were around since you were a baby...
Image

MelB
Tamific (Novice)
Tamific (Novice)
Posts: 290
Joined: Thu May 13, 2010 11:01 am
Location: Kent, UK

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by MelB » Thu Jul 26, 2012 9:30 am

I'm so sorry you've had so much to go through recently. I cried with you reading your post. I felt exactly the same when I lost my beloved Holly (GSD) just before we got Cindy. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

As you say, perhaps Zeus stayed with you as long as he could to help you grieve for you grandmother. Then, knowing you had time off, he decided it was his time knowing you'd be able to grieve for him. I agree with Terri, go to his favourite places and celebrate his life. I'm sure he'll be with you in spirit wherever you are.

User avatar
wolfwannabe
Tamific (Novice)
Tamific (Novice)
Posts: 370
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2010 10:40 am
Location: Somerset, England
Contact:

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by wolfwannabe » Fri Aug 03, 2012 5:27 pm

Thank you, I knew some of you would understand, I miss Zeus dreadfully, I've collected some of his fur in a little box, I've also bought a lovely black box which I've made into a memory box, into which I've put his favourite toys, specially the ones he found on walks, he was always so happy and proud to carry new toys home which he had found, collars, tags and leads, comb and brushes, even a couple of rawhide chews that have his teeth marks in them. So now I can look at his stuff when I want. I'm going to get a nice selection of my favourite photos of Zeus printed up and put into an album to add to the box.

When I get his ashes back they are going on a shelf above my sofa with a lovely framed photo of him.
Mel.

Zeus 10.02.2007 - 24.07.2012 Rest in peace my boy, you'll always be missed.

User avatar
TerriHolt
Tamificent (Guru)
Tamificent (Guru)
Posts: 3274
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2011 11:56 am
Location: UK, East Yorkshire
Contact:

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by TerriHolt » Fri Aug 03, 2012 6:29 pm

That sounds a lovely tribute to him :) and anything to make your self feel better is a great idea...
Image

There’s a battle between two wolves inside us all.
One is Evil. It’s anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies and ego.
The other is Good. It’s joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness and truth.

The wolf that wins? The one you feed!

~ Cherokee Proverb

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity... I'm not sure about the former.

~ Albert Einstein

User avatar
arianwenarie
Tamificent (Guru)
Tamificent (Guru)
Posts: 1244
Joined: Wed May 19, 2010 5:07 pm
Location: USA

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by arianwenarie » Sat Aug 04, 2012 10:41 pm

I, thankfully, have never had to put down a pet, however, I have lost two dogs and re-homed another in the past. The attachment definitely is not that strong, surprisingly, probably because the two lost dogs were from my childhood - a little over a year's time. They escaped from the backyard when my family was moving - my mother did not allow us to attempt to find them. We had taken off their tags and collars the day before thinking we couldn't take them with us to the new house (rental). I was 8 at the time - microchipping was not readily available back in the mid-90s. :\ I have a memory box with all their paperwork, pictures, leashes, collars and harnesses. I have their tags (rabies and ID) on a keychain with my housekeys so that, in spirit, they go everywhere I go.

The same goes for the dog that I re-homed when I was in high school, though, I didn't take as many pictures and her belongings were few.

For these two dogs, the material items don't have as much sentimental weight as the resulting vow I took: every dog I own from thereon out will have 200% effort put into him/her to ensure history doesn't repeat itself. That's pretty much why I consider my rescued lab, Abby, that I have now, to be my "first" dog. ;) From the time of re-homing Kiwi (2005) to looking to adopt a dog (2009), I had done as much research as I could on everything dog-related and I'd say it paid off.

I know that when it is time for Abby to go, I will feel as much heartbreak as some of y'all had to endure, if not more. I am a bleeding heart - can't volunteer at kill shelters and I want to take every dog home. lol. I need to get me a puppy sometime soon! :P

Luccistar
Tamthusiastic (Newbie)
Tamthusiastic (Newbie)
Posts: 87
Joined: Fri Jan 04, 2013 8:35 am
Location: Canada
Contact:

Re: People who don't understand your loss

Post by Luccistar » Fri Jan 04, 2013 10:27 am

Reading this post, I'm so emotional to see how nice and supportive all of the members are to each other... I just left a forum, because they were all b..tiching around about everyone for no apparent reason, and telling people they shouldn't get no pets. It was really upsetting... they had no solidarity, didn't care about anyone at all. I love to support and help others, and that frustrated me. I'm glad to see that on this forum, people actually care :)

Post Reply